The Life You Actually Want

Call me crazy, but I think I know the secret (or at least one of the secrets) to end up living the life you actually want to live.

Why do so many people fall short of their potential? Why do so many people waste years of their lives on jobs they hate and devote their precious hours to meaningless entertainment? What are they waiting for? Why aren't they going anywhere?

There are two big ideas I want to talk about her: vision, and goals.

Originally I just wanted to write about goal-setting, but it occurred to me that it's really hard to set goals if you don't have a vision of where you want to go. In short, vision is the destination and goals are the path you take to get there. Having a vision means knowing what you want and when you want it. It means being able to picture yourself happy and healthy, doing what you love and genuinely liking your life.

You might not know exactly what you want right now, and that's okay. Maybe asking you "where do you see yourself in 5 years?" is too much. Start with what you do know. Do you want to be debt-free? Do you want to have a family of your own? Do you want to travel? Do you want to graduate from college or university? Do you want to start your own business and be your own boss? Do you want to run a marathon or swim across the English Channel?

It doesn't matter how big or how small your vision is right now. Whether you have a detailed picture in your mind about exactly who you'll be twenty years from now or you can only grasp one aspect of your life you want to improve, it doesn't matter. Start small if you have too. Dream big if you can. But make sure you have some kind of vision, or you run the risk of never going anywhere.

Take a minute. Think about it. Do you have a vision of the life you actually want?

Great! Let's move on to how you can go about getting there.

You've probably heard of the acronym SMART when it comes to goal-setting, but just in case you haven't, here's a crash course:

Specific - Don't be vague. Make sure you know exactly what you're asking of yourself.
Measurable - Try making a checklist or graph to chart your progress.
Attainable - If you can barely run two minutes, don't expect to run your first marathon next month.
Relevant - Your goals should make sense to you and be appropriate for where you're at right now.
Timely - Give yourself a deadline.

I'll add another tip: write your goals down! It's a good way to keep yourself accountable. If it's written down then you can't pretend it doesn't exist. I set some goals for myself at the beginning of January this year. I wrote them down and broke each one down into bite-sized chunks that I can cross off as I go, then taped them up above my dresser so that I see them every day. Each time I look at that paper, I'm reminded of how much I've accomplished already and also of how much I still have to do.

Goals are the stepping stones to achieving your vision. That being said, things don't always go according to plan, even if you're doing everything in your power to make things happen.

One time, I set the goal of going back to school and getting a bachelor's degree in music. I had previously taken classes at a university in Calgary, but I hadn't been going to school there for over a year and had since moved back to my home province. I discovered that I was still technically a registered student there. I studied for months for a high-level music theory exam to meet the entrance requirements, and passed with honours. I made an appointment to meet with a school advisor to change my major from Psychology to Music the next time I was in Calgary.  I talked to my husband about moving there so I could go back to school and he agreed.

But when I actually met with the school advisor, I found out that despite my months of preparation, I had inadvertently missed the deadline to change my major for the upcoming school year, and would have to wait another full calendar year to make the change. (Here's another lesson for you: there are deadlines for changing your major!) This news felt like a punch in the gut! Music is a pretty specialized program, as you can imagine, and the vast majority of music classes are reserved for music students. In my heart, that included me. On paper, it didn't.

So my husband and I took a step back and reassessed. When we took other factors into account, we agreed that it didn't make sense to drop everything and move to a different province just so I could take a smattering of electives that Fall in the hopes of starting my degree for real the following year.

I'm a very goal-oriented person. Not achieving that goal after all that planning kind of kills me. Or, it did at the time. I also believe that things happen for a reason, and in the end I'm really glad we didn't move away that summer because we would have missed out on all kinds of experiences and opportunities that we've had here.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's healthy to move forward. Pick a direction and go for it! Get a vision, set some goals, and do everything in your power to make that vision a reality! But there's also beauty in learning to accept the things you cannot change and choosing to bloom where you're planted.

What are some of your goals?